11 Days later.

On 10/30/2007 they broke my soul. It was very painful. I shed tears and hate. I'm still very upset. I can't believe what they did to me. It has being very hard on my family.

Life sucks I HATE MYSELF AND WANT TO DIE!

But, What can you do? My passion was driving. Now I sit at home and moan.

One day of great pain and many months of therapy. And Guess what! Every day is pain day... Pain is my enemy. It keeps me awake and keeps me from enjoying life.
It's never ending. I keep my self medicated. It is fucking sad!

I pray I have a quick recovery and get back to working and living a normal life.
CHURCH!! And I heard someone say, J Enjoy your stay in hell! That is how it feels . That is how it feels. This HOW I FEEL! I HATE THIS PAIN!
So much pain and I wish I had died. So much, too much and not enough .

I know this has change me for the better. I will become more compassionate. I will love you more. I'm sorry for all hard times I made go thru. PLEASE FORGIVE.

Vida Del Sol

I'm at a lost. I love the cloudy gray clouds. I hate the sun. I hate the deer and your mother too. My heart spins and I see you dying in a cold lonely place. I don't want you to be alone. I fear death and enjoy a cold coke. I'm just to straight forward and rude. I can't help it. That is what you get stupid.
P.S. I HATE YOU TOO!

World is filled with greed and everybody needs a friend.. But, I find my self staring at you. I want to dance and drink with you. I want to slap you. Then kiss and make out. I want to enjoy my life with out you. I want to hug and caress you.
I sound silly and feel stupid too.

You know your guilty of sin. It's OK I won't tell a soul. Let me drink from your cup of damnation and help you out of your pleasures.

ENJOY my companionship and my Vida Del Sol.

Live to Die another Day!

My job is not easy. There I sat sad and lonely in the er. I was so upset. I thinking to my self. How I hate people that don't care for well being of others. But, why spit me in my face. Doctor gave me the good news today. I'm OK! NO HIV or Hep C!

Now, I'm off today and rented 28 weekslater and Reign over me.

I won't loose time. I will love too succeed you. You are so tiring and yet not boring. I love to hate you and get you mad. My problem is not ignoring you. Cause, Damn! you're so fine! My eyes can't get enough of seeing beautiful women. =) But, I do respect them.

I'M SLEEPY!

I'm tired and my eyes hurt. I have only slept 4hrs. I can't sleep well. I got to go back to work. I deleted one of my post. I was angry and frustrated at that time. Oh, wait I'm always in a serious mood. Oh, well life goes on. I was ask to go and get something from dairy queen. Yeah, I just need sleep. I don't need food.



It's hot and I don't want to turn on the central air. I going to take a cold shower and then go back to sleep. I hope one hour is good enough. A long night awaits me. Should I be exiceted or sad. I HATE not sleeping well!

Too much, Too Little......

I still have 5 more days of work before I have one day off .=(

I drive one hour to work and one hour back home. I work the night shift. I start at around midnight and leave around 10 am. I work 10hrs a day.

Math, 2hrs of drive + 10hrs of work = 12 hrs of my life for work. Now 24hrs = one day.

24hrs-12hrs=12. I'm left with 12hrs. Okay here is the sad part.

I get a average of 6.5hrs of sleep and I need 15minutes to shower and 15minutes to get ready for work. 6.5+.15+.15=7hrs. OKAY! 12hrs-7hrs=5hrs.

I'm left over with 5hrs to dedicate to my family and self !!

I work average of 5 days of week. I do it cause I need overtime. My wife does not work right now.

So in conclusion I WORK TOO MUCH AND GET TOO LITTLE OF MY PERSONAL TIME. I LIVE TO WORK AND DYING TO REST.

What I enjoy most in my life. Is seeing my children be happy and play.